Well, it's official. I have officially hit best/worst stage of pre-study abroad emotion: The Questioning Stage. Recently, I have begun to wonder why I am going abroad. Unfortunately, "experiencing new things" is not an acceptable answer for me anymore. For almost two years, I have been so engulfed in the idea of going abroad, that I never let new emotions affect my decision. (If that makes sense). Two years is a long time. Like it or not, you are going to change in a lot of ways. In my case, I thought of this trip with the mentality I had when I first started looking into it. Now that I am older, I have a new view on just about everything, including studying abroad. I have spent countless hours wondering if this is still the best thing for me.
The only answer I can come up with is; yes. This may have sounded like a negative post at first, but it is really optimistic actually! Because of my questioning, I have found new reasons for going abroad, and they are much deeper than my initial reasons.
I have a deeper understanding of what makes me, "me". This trip has really made me analyze myself. It has certainly brought the best and worst out in me, but I wouldn't change it. It made me realize that I was incredibly irrational when it came to expectations. I fully expected to be done with the application process in a week, simply because I started early. Anyone who has studied abroad is probably falling over laughing right now. In reality, it took about 8 months from start to end. I was frustrated during that time, but as the year went on, I learned to deal with it. I feel like I am better equipped for future things, like college, because of that. On a bigger note, I learned that the world does not revolve around me. Most people claim to understand this, but really they have no idea. I am grateful to have people in my life that makes it seem this way, but they have their own lives to worry about as well. So for me, all those countless hours of frustration waiting for a reply from AFS was wasted time. They send a lot of kids abroad, so they have a lot on their plate. Is it the end of the world if I don't hear back the next day? NO! (Advice to future AFS'ers, be patient. AFS will help you with literally everything along the way; just give them time.
I thought I had everything figured out. I had my entire life planned out Freshman year. Pretty detailed too I would say. I can honestly say that not one thing I planned has or is going to happen. Back then, I was going to finish high school normally, no AP, no PSEO, no study abroad; just go with what was expected of me. Yet, around spring of that year, something clicked in me. I decided that if I didn't push the envelope, and do above what is expected, I would live a hell of a boring life. I could be sitting in a boring high school class right now, but instead I'm sitting in my college commons waiting for my Psychology class to start, and I'm really excited for it! I could be planning what I am doing after school with my friends today, but instead I am planning a trip abroad. I could have been a normal high school student, but I pushed myself to take AP classes a little early. I could have been the majority, but I choose to be the minority. This sounds super egotistical, but I am just trying to point out how life never works the way you think it will. As of right now, I have some ideas of what I want to do next, but I'm keeping my options open. Who knows what's going to happen next?
I think Bob Marley sums it up best. "Emancipate yourselves from inter-slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds." This is probably not what he wrote this about, but I think it still applies! Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy. To be honest, I am incredibly nervous about what people in Italy are going to think of me. I understand that America isn't everyone's favorite place, and I'm curious if I'm going to encounter any negative opinions. But, I am not letting me hold me back. I think this is what Marley means by interslavery. We too often let our nervousness and our uncomfortableness (not sure if that's a word, but whatever) overcome us, and we miss out on a lot. I think that you grow most when you are in uncomfortable situations.
Well, this is my first long post in a while, but I think I'll end it here. Hope you enjoyed reading. Once again, if you are going abroad this upcoming semester, and are not part of our Facebook page, feel free to join now. Ill post a link at the bottom.
Ciao!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/648391541903974/?ref=br_tf
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