Alright. Not many excuses for waiting so long to write this one. I've had a pretty crazy month and a half(arguably best month of my life truth be told). My exchange is coming to an end, and there are a lot of conflicting feelings going on in my head. I try to keep busy so I don't have to think about leaving, so I haven't had much time to write. I have subconsciously become so accustomed to living here, that I can't really remember what my life was before I came here. The parts I do remember make me cringe a little. I have changed so much, and I think trying to adjust to my old life will be impossible. This is both terrifying and exciting. In the past 6 months, I've abandoned one life to start a new one, and now I have to do it again in less than a month.... Scary thought.
ANYWAY, we'll save the emotional stuff for later. For now, I'll catch you up on what I've been up to. (I'll warn you now, my English has taken a turn for the worse. Writing clear thoughts is kinda difficult, so bear with me).
In the beginning of May, I got to go on an excursion for the day in a huge national park in Abruzzo (the region I live in). My friends Eleonora, Pieffe, and I went with a small group on a day hike in the part of the park near L'Aquila. It was really the first time I got to experience being immersed in the environment of Abruzzo, since I live in a pretty big city. Most of Abruzzo is in the Apennines, so some of the hike was quite steep, but most of it was in the valley between two mountains. I will post pictures below, but it is hard to capture the beauty in a photo. It was really cool, because some of the flowers and vegetation are only found in Italy, so I've never seen them before.
The rest of May was pretty quiet. Somewhere in the middle, however, my family took me to a party in a castle near Pescara. It was such a beautiful day, and the castle was perched on a mountain over-looking a really old city, so the view was incredible. I still don't know entirely what the party was for, but that was a really fun night. I got to have some quality time with my family, and also show them how Americans dance (terribly). Being there really made me feel like I was 100% part of the family, and a member of their social group. There were people I recognized and was able to have conversations with. More importantly, the "host family outing" awkwardness was gone. This awkwardness is very prominent in the first month, and then kind of makes an appearance around three months again. It's that feeling that you have to prove something to your family, even though they don't expect anything from you. Hard to explain. Go on exchange and you'll get it.
It's also worth noting that I went to Milan, and spent a week with my two best friends. That trip holds a special place in my heart, and therefore I would rather not tell all of the details. Long story short: AFS friends will change your life, Lake Como is as beautiful as everybody says it is, and Milan has some pretty good American cafes.
Now I'm in June, and have never been more confused. I just returned from my end of stay camp in San Severa, and I'm feeling a mixture of utter happiness, confusion, nostalgia, and love. I've met the most incredible people here, and now that time is coming when we have to say our goodbyes, uncertain of whether or not we will see each other again. I can make all the promises of returning that I want, but most of them will be empty. Regardless of if I return here in the future, my experience ends the minute I get on that plane. As depressing as it sounds, the life you build on exchange ends when the program does. It's not possible to continue the relationships you've developed in the same way. That doesn't mean I won't stay in contact, but odds are I'm never going to live in Pescara again, much less with my family. The friends I've made here may or may not keep in contact, but I'll never be able to go on a spur of the moment coffee trip with them again.
My point is that my experience is coming to an end, and I'm having a hard time accepting it. Coming here was hard, but not nearly as hard as this. I think it is because when you leave your host country, you are leaving all of the memories and stories you've made here. I'll never forget my time in Como with my best friends, but I know that it isn't possible to experience anything like again, and that stings.
On the bright side, the language isn't the only thing I've picked up here. Because of this experience, I am not able to imagine a life in where I stop traveling. My world has been flipped upside down because of moving to another country, and it doesn't have to stop, which is comforting. My college visions no longer include staying in the US. I've been opened to a whole other world of options. Exchange has made me re-examine the way I live my life, and also the way I want to continue to live it. This means more adventures; more memories; more friendships; more blog posts.
I can't wait to see what the future holds for me, and I have exchange to thank for that. One of the most important things I learned on exchange, although my Mom has been saying it for years, "If it is meant to happen, it will." Although, exchange has made me revise it a little...
If it is meant to happen, it will, as long as you let it.
My experience would not have been nearly as life changing if I just decided to continue the status quo. This comes with trying new things, and exploring the world around you. Unfortunately this took me a while to grasp. If I could say anything the myself from 4 months ago it would be this:
Try that squid looking thing your family gave you. It's really good.
Get off your phone. Put the computer away. Talk to people.
America will still be there in five months. I promise. Quit worrying.
Quit with the English. It's hard, but worth it.
For the love of god, don't correct your English teacher. She doesn't take it well.
You have no idea what this exchange will mean to you.
As I sit here writing my last blog post, I'm in tears. I finished reading all my blog posts while here, and looking at pictures of my exchange. This is so bittersweet. I'm going to end my lost blog post with a quote. It's been in my head since the minute I read it, and I think it is particularly relevant right about now.
So dawn goes to day, nothing gold can stay.
Thank you to everyone who made this the best 6 months of my life. Words cannot express my thanks. I hope I see you soon, and I hope you realize the impact you've had on my life.
Grazie a tutti che hanno fatto questi sei mesi i migliori mesi della mia vita. Non ci sono parole per esprimere la mia gratitudine. Ci vediamo tra poco, e spero che voi sapete l'impato avete fatto nella mia vita. Grazie. Vi voglio bene.
